Envy, most commonly known as jealousy. The green-eyed monster that comes in making accusations and assumptions about someone. Most of which, in my experience, is never true. But what if I told you envy could be redirected into inspiration? Now would you listen?
As I redefine what success means to me, I find myself talking shit in my head about those who have achieved it. Things like “oh they grew up with money, so it’s easy for them” or “how come I can never book gigs as easy as them? They must be sleeping together” or “its because I’m an immigrant that I don’t have the things I want.” I admit that as I write this I’m embarrassed for where my thoughts wandered.
This was the language I grew up with and accepted for a long time, but it felt wrong. On top of judging others, I then carried guilt for the judgment I passed and entered into a loop of self-loathing and victimizing.
It wasn’t until I came across a podcast by Lacy Phillips that I became a fan of envy. Episode 136 – EXPLAINED Envy, Jealousy, and Expansion on the Expanded podcast begins by explaining that jealousy is when we are in fear of losing what we have. While envy is seeing someone else have what you want. When we experience these emotions, the universe is showing us where we still have work to do in order to continue leveling up and staying in our worth.
They kick off the episode with a quote – “If you are feeling envious of someone, you are being shown what you are capable of. Turn your envy into inspiration.”
When we look at the science behind jealousy and envy we begin to understand that jealousy was initially created in the body as a form of survival. Studies with primates show that jealousy is linked to the pain of social rejection. In a human, this looks like being in fear of losing love, safety, and trust. When the emotion of jealousy arises, cortisol is created in both males and females; with testosterone also created in males. In the early days of evolution, if you couldn’t provide for the group you were a part of, the group would stop protecting you. This looks like being able to birth, harvest, hunt, or provide medicine. So the emotion of jealousy was used to motivate people into action in order to keep themselves loved, trusted, and protected.
Now envy plays out differently. When feeling envy, oxytocin is created in the brain and it’s similar to the emotions created in love and bonding. However, it creates a negative response. Something along the lines of – I can live without it, but I’d rather have it. So the behavior behind it can be used as motivation as well in order to achieve that which you desire. For Ex: Watching a friend start their own company and gathering up the courage to figure out how you can create that for yourself in the best way in which you know how to do so.
Now let’s talk about the energetics behind both emotions:
Jealousy presents itself due to the blocks and beliefs created in childhood. We must learn to witness the emotion and then ask ourselves, where is this coming from? Did you have an alcoholic family member that consumed all of the resources and attention in your home? Or a single parent that wasn’t home because they had to work? Once we can understand the origin of where the emotions stem from, we can begin to create new stories about how we wish to live. As well as understand that we will not die if this person leaves us. It’s no longer about survival but maintaining and recognizing our worth when triggered.
Envy is triggered when you identify with some part of that person. So it’s important to recognize that this person is in fact an expander for you that is reflecting what you are capable of. If you can harness this whenever the emotion is triggered, and use that person as an example of where your path can lead to; that’s when true manifestation happens. Replace the self-pity with gratitude and watch your life unravel itself into what you would call successful.
Got enough information to start changing habits? I sure hope so. I still get triggered and the thoughts still creep in, however, now I understand why and focus on how I gain from this! For more information on how Sibling rivalry plays into jealousy and envy in our society throughout history, listen to the full episode HERE.
Love Y’all!
-Taynahmite