Coming out hasn’t been exactly easy. I was raised in an environment that told me I wasn’t allowed to exist. (No wonder I was a spunky child.) When I finally decided that it wasn’t up to someone else to decide that, I greeted those who challenged me with fists. I demanded to be seen, heard, and understood. It was my way or the highway, and I was quick to kick you to the curb. Fortunately, that high road didn’t last long. My fists only attracted fights and my peace was once again, at the mercy of others.
The High Road
My inner child was still angry and subconsciously I was waiting for an apology. So instead of trying to force myself to a group of people that didn’t understand me, I began to focus on those who didn’t care about my transexual identity.
The saying “keep your circle small” began to make a lot more sense to me. Not because I felt I couldn’t trust most people, but I needed to become more familiar with what feeling at peace looked like. I knew all too well what feeling angry looked like, but I wanted a peace I only ever found in sports. Track & Field may have been the most rigorous training I’ve ever done, but when I was running, nothing else mattered. It was just me, the team, and our training goals. I had to be focused.
Cece Telfer – First openly transgender woman to an NCAA title
However, there was also a sense of control in the kind of pain I would allow myself to feel. While my physical pain tolerance became increasingly high, my emotional bank was getting run dry. Running became my escape. My abandonment issues were strong, but the sadness that came with it infuriated me. So escapism is what I became loyal to. Eventually, this took a toll on my body. After a serious injury to my spine during bodybuilding, I had to figure something else out.
This is when my friends became a beacon in my life. I learned that sometimes talking things through felt a lot better than sprinting 400 meters or maxing out my squats. While the exercise packed on layers, the talking peeled them off. Sometimes all they had to do was listen, but I felt like I could breathe again. Their kindness gave me the willingness to have patience with those who called me foolish for speaking my truth.
Devin-Norelle – Trans masc actor and advocate
My Favorite Part
I no longer sit in the worry about whether someone is going to like me. I’ve surrounded myself with people who thank me for existing.
To those of you who have made my transitions easier, I love you. You have helped pave the road to my own internal freedom. You’ve patched up wounds at no cost while filling up my cup with wholesome love. You guys are the true MVP.
David – Schitts Creek on Netflix
For those of you who haven’t found your people yet, Talk to your Team for guidance. I wouldn’t have found my people if it wasn’t for talking to my team first.
Happy Transgender Awareness Week Everyone!
Much love,
Taynahmite
I love you❤️
love you more!